Depending on who you ask, it appears that big human beings have been making little human beings for at least 160,000 years--though some physical anthropologists (whose brains are obviously much bigger than mine) would argue that it's closer to 265,000 years. Regardless of which school of thought you follow--and I'm sure you've chosen one, I mean, what else is there to do on cold Saturday evenings in February?--my assumption is that throughout those many millennia, parents the world over have dealt with the same frustrations. Whether you're talking spit up, dirty diapers, runny noses, flung food, stained clothes or broken toys, human procreators from the Stone Age to the Information Age share an amazing breadth of common parenting aggravations. So why, I ask, haven't we used our highly complex brains to invent solutions to some of these annoyances?
** Please note - I have already conceded that my brain falls on the smaller side of the spectrum, so when I say "Why haven't we invented...," I'm speaking in a strictly "Royal we/Majestic plural" sense.**
Obviously, there's no answer to the dirty diaper issue--poo is a simple fact of life. But why on earth hasn't someone developed a diaper pail deodorizer that actually DE-ODOR-IZES, rather than chemically binding the stink you're trying to avoid with the essence of fresh linen/apple berry/ginger breeze, thereby creating a semi-toxic cloud of "dirty-linen-berry-diaper-breeze" that can only be dispersed via exorcism or through ritual poultry sacrifice?
And what is the organo-enzyme composition of spit up that gives it instant, permanent staining power and the ability to reappear on seemingly spot-free clothes months after they were first yacked upon? Procter & Gamble, Unilever, SC Johnson, Method--I'm talking to you! None of you have an answer to the problem of spit up stains?!?!? For shame, for shame! A pox on your bright-white, blotch-free houses!
What about dried milk splatters, mildewed bibs, food-smeared highchair trays, algaenated baby pools, Cheerio-encrusted car seats and overfilled diaper bags? Suffice it to say, my "Why haven't they invented a fix for that" list goes on and on and on. Seriously--I could type all day, folks.
It comes down to this--if we can make Snuggies for our dogs, decode the genome of the duck-billed platypus and create prescriptions that enable the eyelash-less to become eyelash-tastic, why can't we create a simple infrared/GPS/RFID system that locates the milk-filled sippy cups my toddlers insist on hiding in their toy chest and/or pushing under the couch before said cups have a chance to become individual colonies of bleu cheese? I mean, really, it can't be that hard!
Right?
Right?
Hmmmm...
Starting to think I might benefit from some mental stimulation beyond the walls of our cute little yellow Cape Cod. Can anyone recommend a good Mommy-and-Me group... or a skilled psychotherapist, perhaps? :-)
Starting to think I might benefit from some mental stimulation beyond the walls of our cute little yellow Cape Cod. Can anyone recommend a good Mommy-and-Me group... or a skilled psychotherapist, perhaps? :-)
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I'd love to get your feedback, and for you to share your Peanut Tricks, but if you post something that falls into the realm of "the not-nice" or "the inappropriate," I'll delete it quicker than a jackrabbit on a date.